i want to talk about this "gay divide" that seems to be such a big issue in the gay community. normally i try to steer clear of any issue that has anything to do with homosexuality, but this one is different because it is an issue within the gay community. if you aren't clear on what i mean, then just keep reading; i'm sure you'll get the gist of what i am saying.

the gay divide is simply the rift between masculine and feminine gay guys. many masculine gay guys (myself included) have hard feelings (pun not intended) for feminine gay guys because the fems, in many cases, set the standard for how gay men are viewed, ie; flamboyant, girly, weak, bitchy, etc. masculine gays also usually do not want to be seen in public with feminine gays, for obvious reasons.

the feminine gay guys, i feel, don't really understand the masc gay's view of them because they are just being themselves (flamboyant, girly, etc) and they don't see anything wrong with it. it is true in most scenarios that feminine gay men take the brunt of the gay hate projected toward them on any given day because they are easily spotted and easily called out. feminine gays argue the point that they are stronger than masculine gays because they can be openly gay and proud and take the hate and stand tall, while masculine gays sort of hide from it.

being a masculine gay guy, i know first hand how the majority of masculine gays feel, but i can also sympathize with the feminine gay guys as well in their pursuit of individuality. while i don't make efforts to hide who i am, i certainly don't make any efforts to be a flaming homosexual; i just live my life. i do agree that feminine gays are projected as the gay stereotype, but i don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. it simply can't be helped. people are more prone to notice a feminine gay guy over a masculine gay guy, just as i am more prone to notice a clown over a politician (bad example, i know).

i feel like equal recognition should be given to both parties. that way, straight people would be able to see that not every homosexual man is going to parade around in a miniskirt and heels. being gay doesn't mean being a girl, it means having a physical attraction to the same sex.

now, my personal point of view. i feel lonely. i am stuck in an area where the only gay people you see are the ones that you can tell are gay just by looking at them. yeah, that is nice and all, but i can't say i am very attracted to feminine gays because i don't have anything in common with them outside of our shared sexuality. i am sure there are other masculine gays in my area, but really, masculine gays are petrified of coming out. i was, i still am. the only reason i did was because it was getting to the point where i couldn't mentally take the stress anymore. i am out to my family, very few friends, and the randoms that happen to read my facebook page. otherwise, if a girl asks me out (haha yeah right), i have to tell her i am gay. and believe me, i am scared out of my mind to do that. i know i said that i am open with who i am, and i am, but i am still scared of being that open.

long story short; the gay divide is bullshit, this post is bullshit, sexuality is bullshit, my life is bullshit and my pretentious, self-loathing attitude is bullshit.

top 5 to 10 bands...

this is lame, but i'm bored and doing everything i can in order to not have to write my english paper.

no particular order either.

1. afi; not really a fan of their post-sing the sorrow work, but i love them nonetheless.

2. converge; abrasive and kinetic (words taken straight from j. bannon's mouth).

3. crystal castles; just got into them. i like their style.

4. underoath; i write this with quite a bit of trepidation because i absolutely love "define the great line", but i can do without their other albums.

5. magrudergrind; i haven't ever heard a band quite like them. feel free to disagree.

6. minus the bear; nice jazzy rock.

7. botch; they spawned an entire army of cover bands.

8. coldplay; good to listen to when i feel down.

9. blink -182; seriously, who doesn't love blink-182?

10. thursday; they grew on me.

speak up, my ears are growing weary
as the light begins to breach the border,
while i lay here alone
and watch the waves crash over me.
their bittersweet salt in my mouth and eyes;
i'll take this sedative alone.
you deserve so much more than this, my friend.

missing children are crying.
you won't help them.
shame on you.

wear it like a badge.
you don't have the balls to pin one on.
see their tears?

shame on you.
shame shame shame
on you.

i derive a simple pleasure from looking at people. i live vicariously through others. you may say i'm ill, but i say i'm sick.

making bad decisions and playing pretend in real life all of my life. things don't start and things don't end. they are the products of the bricks you've put on my chest. the police won't know what to do with a doppelganger on the loose. we'll steal your sneakers and string them up on the power lines. we'll spit in your food. we'll push your kids down in the park. we'll unleash you dogs from your backyards. we don't care about how mad you are because we don't have to come forward. our chests are caving in, but we still grin our toothy grins and cry our crocodile tears.

i'm writing because i am jealous of your success. i know you deserve it, but i can do what you do better than you. you're armed with an impressive vocabulary. i'm armed with a whole lotta heart. i could say you doomed me from the start, but that's a lie on my part.

every person who missed their calling, i know where we're going; falling straight into mediocrity and hearts that were never whole to begin with. say hi to mom for me.

From the day we are born until the day we die we have promises to keep and miles to go before we sleep, miles to go before we sleep. Those woods may be lovely, dark and deep, but we have no spare time to live and explore them. We are set on a rigid path bound by our predestined obligations to the very life, liberty and happiness that we are being denied. We will go in circles around the edge of the forest, always looking in but never daring to step in, for fear of change. But that change is comfort, that change is peace. That change is exactly what we travel in circles looking for, dragging the chains shackled to us on the days of our births. These are the chains of freedom we wear, cuffed to our ankles and wrists, while the woods calmly beckon to us just out of reach. Always out of reach.

the obligatory valentine's day post

i've never been in a relationship, i've never been on a date and i've never kissed anyone.
you know that movie ''the crazies"? yeah, that is going to be my life sometime in the not too distant future hahaha.

something has seriously gotta give.

i try to love the best i can but in the end we're just grains of sand.

no matter if your hopeful or hopeless, it's gonna catch you and put you down for the count.

i love this kid, whoever he is.

we need more minds like his.
i wish i had one. a mind, that is.

my dad

deals with things he shouldn't have to deal with but he made that deal with the devil and even though it's a bad deal he deals with it.
he works for his ungrateful kids. all kids are ungrateful until the day daddy dearest is gone.
he works in his workshop, the old familiar smell.
doing work he shouldn't have to do, but no one else will do it.
he puts on his grownup shoes every morning, reluctant of course.
i doubt i could fill those shoes.
my dad does all of these things because he loves us. even if we drag him down.

the music is hot; as is jordan buckley.


super smash bros is the bees knees.

you can call me sociopathetic.

backwards

your redeemer has been eaten by crows.
it's best not to name the devil.

certificates

i don't think my momma knew
what she was getting into.
we spread our time as best we can,
but the world takes it all back in the end.
we managed to break and bend
all of the rules but still
came out last.
what the hell went wrong?
just what the hell went wrong?
my days are in flux;
i'm knocking on death's door, crawling through an empty womb.
stake me down, keep me still.
i wasn't even supposed to be here, anyway.

wrecker

i am the king of this all night clinic.

chivalry shot me

you don't live til your ready to die.

binary bound

i must have done something wrong in my past life because this life isn't treating me too hot.

i

apologize for the plethora of grammatical errors in the zodiac post. it is late and my mind moves faster than my fingers.

astrobitch

the zodiac is quite interesting. and just for this simple fact really. it is practically all you need to know about the zodiac to find your perfect match or a perfect friend.
the zodiac is divided into 4 elements; fire, earth, air, water
each of the 4 elements have 3 signs under them, making for 12 signs, one for each month, comma splice.

now obviously each element goes great together, but keep this in mind as well:
air feeds fire, earth absorbs water

applying that to relationships with other people; an air sign's wit and mental agility would fuel a fire sign's creativity.
a water sign's emotional, caring personality would soothe and soften the hard, steady heart of an earth sign.

obviously those are just vague, general examples, but i encourage anyone to go brush up on astrology and the science behind it, because honestly, it is so complex that it is practically a science. not to mention, if you look at any nominally successful relationship, the reasons behind the success are written in the zodiac.

bees knees

i'll never be able to decide if being captain or being first-mate suits me better.
this boat is too big for me to steer, but i'll steer it better than anyone else could.

outlets cannot cure cancer; we are doomed.

650

HOWL BABY, HOWL

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl;zxcvbnm

you'll have to fill in the blanks because i am too scared to live my life.
i can't even touch these words. it's like they're not really here or something?

the big moron and the little moron were standing on the bridge over the River Send. the big moron fell off. how come the little moron didn't fall off, too?
the little moron didn't fall off because he was a little more on.

redoubt

i ate you with my eyes.
why are you laughing?

revised spider warrior

i'm feeling the fear, my mommy left me and my dad didn't care. my sister surpassed me and got the dreams; she'll never share. i made a bed of my fear and it ate me in my sleep. now i sit on the windowsill, watching and waiting for things to fall in my web. i can see you out there in the dark. why don't you come pop-a-squat right by me in the warm sun? we'll talk and sing and forget about the bad things.

spider warrior

if you set fire to the webs i've caught you in, you'll burn too.

feel the fear. feel the fear.

hornet warrior

happy hornets, happy hornets. i fill my smile with happy hornets and spend my days right next to you. yellow and black, i won't come back because i'm with my bees. down in the caverns, i'm buzzing with my bees, making sweet things for you and me. my eyes got dark and my skin got pale but my bees don't mind, so i don't either. we'll come out when we're ready, okay? we'll come out when we're ready.

my top five video games

yeah, this is lame. so is having a blog.
these are in no particular order, by the way.

1. metal gear solid 3: subsistence
- not only did metal gear solid three almost completely revamp the metal gear solid formula through the setting, time period and gameplay, it also introduced the most blisteringly hardcore fighting unit the series has ever known; the cobra unit. now, take that game, add in tons of extras to the source material and a whole other disc devoted to cutscenes and the hilarious secret theater, and you have one of the the best games of all time.

2. kingdom hearts
- yeah, it isn't as good or as epic as the second entry of the series, but kingdom hearts blew me out of the water when i first played it. mixing final fantasy and disney seemed more than a little iffy to everyone i am sure, but all doubts were erased after a few short hours playing the game. mixing exploration, a zelda-esque battle system and a plot that is easily on par with any final fantasy game, kingdom hearts totally engrossed me from beginning to end.

3. new super mario bros wii
- despite being hot off the press, NSMBW instantly went down as a classic in my collection. there is really nothing to say about this game if you are familiar with 2d mario games. it takes everything good done in every 2D mario game and combines it into the penultimate side-scrolling mario adventure, and then adds in 4-player mutliplayer. this is my favorite mario game to date and i can't see nintendo topping it anytime soon. oh, and level 9-7 kicked my ass. repeatedly.

4. batman arkham asylum
- another relatively new game, arkham asylum is the batman game that everyone was holding their breath for. arkham asylum is easily, easily the best batman game to date. it finally depicts the dark knight in the way that the comics do; a detective, world-class martial artist and a man with a surprisingly complex psyche. this game also gives several huge nods to the comic of the same name, ie; the takeover of arkham by the joker and batman's slowly crumbling sanity. this game has finally shown that superhero games can be done not only right, but mother frickin awesome.

5. resident evil 4
- resident evil 4 was the first resident evil game that i could actually play. the weird controls and endless puzzles of the prior entries turned me off completely, but re4 revamped the control scheme and took the focus off of puzzle-solving and put it on the action. most gamers know resident evil games to be scary, and while most reviewers of re4 ranted about how scary this game is, i never found it scary at all. yeah, it is an intense game in the early stages because it pits you against a mob with nothing but a pistol, but by the end of the game you aren't really surprised by much. nonetheless, the excellent action and deviation from the usual zombie plot made this a great and addicting game. i think i played through it at least 4 times, as did everyone else i knew back then. that alone is a testament to how good resident evil 4 was and still is.

the persuade

man, i used to be the pastor of some back-country, wheezebagger congregation.






i still am too.

oh lone wolf,

WHO ARE YOU HOWLING FOR? IS IT YOUR MOTHER, SISTER, FATHER? LONG LOST LOVER? A FRIEND, SHOULDER TO CRY ON? A MASTER? OR SOMEONE TO RUN WITH? OR MAYBE THE MOON, JUST SLIGHTLY OUT OF REACH. OR ARE YOU HOWLING JUST TO HEAR YOURSELF TALK? OH LONE WOLF, CAN'T YOU SEE? WE ARE THE SAME, YOU AND ME.

to strike

i don't think the end of the world will come as soon as you think.
they say, nothing that is worth doing comes easy. this is too easy to not do.
you can't make a living making words taste tangy. but it's the only thing i'm good at.

man,

old grandfather clock is a considerate fella. always lettin you know how quickly your time is disappearing. i gotten so scared of wastin my time that all i do now is listen to ole grandpa's braying, punctual tune. Ding Ding Ding Ding-

first

post!

maerlyn's grapefruit is a foggy hurt. the pink will trick you into old age and heavy eyelids. telling sweet lies, it'll trick you.